Rah-Rah's Rants

Sounds like...

2011-09-26T20:40:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago I started taking piano lessons again. Mostly for enjoyment, but also because I don't want to be stuck playing the same sonatina for the rest of my life. I guess all I really needed was someone to answer to in order to keep practicing, which is ok with me. Two lessons in and I am having so much fun!

One of the pieces I am working on is Debussy's "Children's Corner" - if you've never heard it, find it and take a listen! It sounds like bell tolls, waves, thunder, rain, breathing, and wind.

I think I'm in love.

The After

2011-08-16T19:37:00.000-07:00

I opened a vein for you,
pressing my thumbs
into the throat of fear
over and over and over and.
I still lust after the romance
of empty rooms and dark corners,
but you occupy space
as only love can.
Even in the worst light
I will look for you:
feet crossed and a song
on your lips.

Bout

2011-07-23T22:11:00.000-07:00

Outside, trunks of trees

dot the ground like handfuls

of ripped hair, roots still stuck

in sidewalk cement.

There was rain tonight

and bouts of light pulsed

the sky, skimming misshapen

limbs and empty lots.

All I want is to walk

the damage and memorize

the places where trees

once stood, their silhouettes

pressed into the dark sky.

Skywalk wasn't enough.

2011-07-16T20:14:00.000-07:00

Here's my 13,000 ft. dive back down to earth. AWESOME.

Skywalk

2011-07-04T11:41:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday Rick and I rented a car (a red Mustang convertible was all they had) and drove to Hoover Dam and the West Rim of the Grand Canyon from Vegas. Pictured above is the Skywalk, which is a mere 4,000 ft. above the Colorado River below. They don't let you take any personal belongings with you - not even cameras - and you are also required to wear shoe covers so as not to damage or smudge the glass floor. I admit I was a little nervous, but my oh my what a view. You can see for miles and miles and there is nothing quite like standing above and in and around something so magnificent. Talk about feeling small, folks.

Disenchant

2011-06-16T19:45:00.000-07:00

expectations are tricky. trying to feel something other than disappointment.

Suddenly

2011-05-31T19:35:00.001-07:00

After a tornado rips through your neighborhood and very gingerly leaves an entire tree tipped onto your house, things change a little. You realize how little control you actually have over...anything. The word "value" instantly takes on a new meaning. The people you love are brought to the forefront and suddenly, you are forced to accept that life is fragile. So fragile.

This past weekend while I was with my family at Kabekona, we went to church on Sunday morning in LaPorte. Imagine the smallest town you've ever been in and then divide that in half twice over - that will give you a pretty accurate image of this town. There is a school, a grocery store, a gas station, and a church. A little white church that I have been attending as long as I can remember. We always sit about four rows back on the left hand side, surrounded by aging giants of the Lutheran church and their wives and families. The phrase "stand as you are able" rings out over the congregation as we rise (or sit) for hymns and pray responsively. I can't help but look at my 85 year old grandfather during the sermon - his expression radiates with a warm understanding, a kind of peace and assurance that I can't really put into words or fully understand. I can feel this warmth stretch down the pew to my grandmother - a quiet anchor.

That little white church in LaPorte has managed to thrive for years and years and continues to be an unlikely source of inspiration to me. I like how out-of-the-way and almost secret that little congregation of people is to the rest of the world. I like singing those hymns and reciting the creeds and prayers that have been burned into my brain. Somewhere, in-between that age-old language of worship, my skepticism of the institution, and my struggle to have faith in the world, hope has found a way to usher itself into my heart, even when unknown forces surface, so suddenly.

Four Seasons Tea Ceremony

2011-05-15T20:12:00.000-07:00

I had the wonderful opportunity to attend a Taiwan tea ceremony this weekend in celebration of Taiwanese Heritage Week. We were split up into groups of five where we were served a different tea by certified tea artists of the Taiwan TeaTalk Group. Tommy Tang, his sister Sunny, and their mother are from Chilai Tea Farm in Taiwan where they grow and produce their own tea. Tommy gave a lecture in the morning and then all three performed the tea ceremony in the afternoon. It was a truly lovely experience.

Spring: "Tea Bud in a Cloud"

Summer: Chialai Green Oolong

Fall: Wu Tang (Dark Roasted Oolong)

Winter: Mi Hsian Honey Oolong (this was my favorite)

Losing Matter

2011-04-27T18:37:00.001-07:00

The hurt can be tender, too.
Your absence aches like a loose tooth
and my heart is a cavity.

Into the Light

2011-04-24T10:15:00.000-07:00

I finally woke up today. The sun was brimming behind my blue bedroom curtains and I felt something change - the whole neighborhood seemed to feel it too. After opening windows all over the house: in the kitchen, in the dining room, on the staircase, in the bedroom, and in the T.V. room, I settled into the sun room with a book and the wonderful warmth. Outside, people were walking to church, playing with their dogs, riding their bikes, singing along to their car radios, and playing ball in the front yard. My favorite was the young boy walking down Russell Ave. with his backpack eating a bright orange lollipop.

Why does a little bit of sun make so much difference? Is it chemical? is it natural? is it coincidental?

This chair and this room and this view. This.

Minnesota Specific

2011-01-03T18:00:00.001-08:00

The winter makes me dream about shores and wave lengths and sounds that sum up my heart place.

When the last boat

trails the dark water

the lone loon sings

as if the trees were walls

and the water a set of strings.

Cities I Love, Cities I Miss

2010-12-12T10:51:00.000-08:00

Harriman Park: Hampton, IA

Monkey bars, swings, bike rides, slides, running, tag, sunshine.

Berlin Wall: Berlin, Germany

Forgotten, tourist, history, erosion, photos, lonliness.

Skagen, Denmark:
Study tour, frost, yellow paint, sunset, waves, art, bus rides, windows.

Paris, France

Disbelief, anxiety, uncanny, friends, stench, love, luggage, appetite.

Stories to take home

2010-11-21T18:55:00.000-08:00

My half price finds on this very very wet and gloomy day:

This is a classic! $1.00

I was very pleased to find this in clearance. A discarded library book, the cover of my copy looks more like a washed out green cloth: $3.00

Picked this up because it looked wonderfully strange. Later, I discovered it is dedicated to Maurice Sendak - even better! $1.00

floor plan

2010-11-01T17:19:00.000-07:00

my boundaries have been redefined
by room-specific expectations ---
windows mirror streets and closets
house winter coats and boxes of books
and all the bulky excess of togetherness.

i pull the sheet down from the window
and you are sitting in your favorite chair.

Our Abode

2010-10-23T14:10:00.000-07:00

Pillow Talk

2010-10-08T16:32:00.000-07:00

Him: "My goal is to read ALL the books."
Me: "Oh, you mean like all the books we own?"
Him: "No. I mean like, ALL the books."
Me: -laughter- (Folks, he's serious).

Heirloom Rifle

2010-09-22T15:09:00.000-07:00

For Rick
The present has muscled its way off my tongue.
We are building, dear: soon we'll have spare
rooms and a fireplace and a collection of shape-
less boxes and borrowed furniture. We will rifle
through our new space and hang photos and ration
the money we spend and the food we eat. Your body

is a room to me - you are a structure in my house, a body
of security and curiosity. The taste on my tongue
is bittersweet bliss as I patiently store my spare
change and count down the days until love takes shape
in elegant wood beams and plaster walls. Sometimes I rifle
through your things when you're gone and steal a ration

of your canned good memories. Can you ration
love, I wonder? Can you dole out a partial body
of affection piece by piece: lips-teeth-tip-of-the-tongue?
My affection for you does not waver. When time is spare
you still rest your head on my shoulder and hold the shape
of me against your frame as if I were an heirloom rifle

waiting to be cradled and fired. I never liked to rifle
through the past for very long. I was able to ration
my expectations and wait with you, plan with you. The body
of our experience rests softly in the crease of my tongue.
In the beginning, I could tell your limbs were lonely and spare
so I lifted you off the page like a detail or a shape

from my favorite painting. Love can re-shape
hearts with fast fury, leaving lovers unattended to rifle
with happiness - a commodity impossible to ration.
Eventually, we learned to find strength in the subjective body
of coincidence and the void that flickers at the back of the tongue.
The void houses my snakebite dreams and the spare

rib in the dirt. Bones and marrow and other spare
parts of some divine idea nestle there in the mud, a shape-
less attempt at a beginning. It's like the world's rifle
is cocked and loaded and love is the only thing left to ration
out salvation. You know how to calm my body
down like an antidote placed on the tongue.

Our story rolls off my tongue and anything I have to spare
is yours. I am determined to shape the world that rifles
through me - to ration out hope as if it were born of no body.

The First Year

2010-09-18T19:20:00.000-07:00

Last year at this time I was still in my dress (I kinda wanted to put it on today but it's stashed away in a box in storage) mingling with family and friends in downtown St. Paul. What a wonderful day it was!

One of the first trips Rick and I took together was spring break 2006 to Tucson, AZ. I took this picture of him on a hike up in the mountains surrounding the city. I can remember how incredibly happy I was to be sharing new experiences with him. Today, nearly 5 1/2 years later and with one year of marriage under our belt, I can say that I am one lucky girl and I love him so so much!

Snapshots

2010-08-27T20:21:00.000-07:00

Nothing like family meals on a sunny afternoon at the lake.

My first completed baby blanket for a friend. I guess I got the knitting gene.

Grandma Ruth at Kabekona on her birthday. I love her expression.

Rest and Recreation

2010-08-15T08:21:00.000-07:00

The windows were open all night.

This morning the cool air curled up next to me in bed. I dozed, remembering that I am off for the next week. My mind quickly wandered to thoughts about what to pack, briefly concerning myself with the weather and the way the lake will look in the afternoon. The leaf shuffle outside finally got me out of bed and now the day is stretched out ahead of me like two lane traffic.

Stop and go, stop and go.

Wherever it is that we're going, dear, we're getting closer.

scraps & strays

2010-08-05T20:20:00.000-07:00

*
the implied volume of limbs
shifts the air in gestures and gusts
and i lust for random acts
that love can only touch.

*
darkness as a familiar face,
someone i smile at in the hall-
way and awkwardly eat with
when no else is around.

*
the earth: a giant, a board, a circuit.

*
you held my waist
but i surged ahead of you ---
a love-sick spring in my step.

*
so love me love my words, my song.

*

Pivotal Prairie Moment

2010-08-03T15:09:00.000-07:00

This afternoon at work I was looking up bizarre holidays to put on the schedule for next week (I also actually WORK at my job, don't let this fool you). One of the gems I stumbled upon was "Bad Poetry Day" which brought me back to Mrs. Anderson's fourth grade class and the FIRST poem I ever wrote. At some point during that year our class went on a field trip to a nature reserve - if you've ever been to Iowa you can pretty much visualize what a field trip to the prairie would entail. Our assignment was to bring a notebook and pencil and find a place in the tall grass to sit quietly, observe our surroundings, and write a poem.

Although I don't remember the whole thing, I do remember the first half of my first poem:

As I sit on the prairie

Gazing up at the sky

I see a bird pass

And I feel as if I could fly!

But it's also so nice

With all the insects and birds

Who do their work busily

Without any words.

The poem goes on to talk about sunlight and tall grass and by the end I am waving good-bye from a fluffy white cloud. Oddly enough, that was the pivotal moment when I realized how thrilling (and fairly simple) it was to achieve rhythm with words. My nine-year old self was hooked. Cliche? Sure. But I grew up in Iowa, folks. You do the math.

Prospective Route

2010-07-29T16:04:00.001-07:00

I can point to you on the map
winding in and out of streets named for past presidents and plants and birds and states.
I always thought street names were important: Ulysses Avenue or Ladybug Loop or Grand Boulevard are by design reassuring -
there is something architecturally sound about the way they sound.
Every day on my drive home I overlook the interstate during rush hour. I skip flat stones of relief across the current
of stalled folks on their way to somewhere, strangely thankful to be
just another car in a line of cars in a city of too many cars (we're all just waiting to crash into each other).
I like to map out where you are and link boulevards and avenues to numbers and houses
and all the fixtures of love and its affairs.

Heart Swell

2010-07-18T19:41:00.000-07:00

It floors me the way limbs depict

lines of strength and (vulnerability)

and grace. And grace,

how are you so physical?

How can you s t r e t c h tendons

and rip muscle/tissue like paper?

You are an artist of injury.

My heart swells at the sight of such thought-

ful negative space

and so much flesh.

Riddle Me This

2010-07-11T18:43:00.000-07:00

Written in conjuction with C.B.T. and E.R.K.

*If a tree falls in a forest and no one's there to see it, did it still fall?
*If it's not the 4th of July and the corn is knee high, what year is it?
*If you can't read a sign, what does it say?
*If Sarah is crouched in the baby swing, how many adult swings are available?
*If you are in St. Peter but the clinic sign says Mankato, where are you?
*Why would anyone book a direct flight to the Mankato Regional Airport?
*If the fire hydrants are orange, should you assume the city has colors?
*If you are in the car and someone exclaims "Oh! Rigor mortis!" what position is the roadkill in?
*If you drive past Moses Sheep Farm and you don't see any sheep, what kind of farm is it?
*Are birds necessarily sober?

Balloon List

2010-06-27T17:56:00.000-07:00

We've all heard of bucket lists - many of us probably have our own list started. What will we accomplish before we die? What will make us feel adventurous, wild, free, and fulfilled? Of course we all know that it just boils down to accepting our own mortality, and if jumping out of an airplane or sailing around the world makes death easier, then by all means go for it.

I had a conversation with my mother and grandmother this weekend and they came up with the concept of a balloon list. Instead of going the route of "100 Things To Do Before You Die" we were thinking more along the lines of "100 Things You Don't Have To Do Ever Again." My grandmother is in her eighties and there are things that she can't do or simply doesn't WANT to do anymore, like swim in a lake or paint the exterior of the cabin or host coffee parties for the church ladies or attend a book club she doesn't really enjoy anymore.

I feel it's a little

early in my life to

start thinking too much

about a balloon list, because

I haven't lived enough to know

what I can really afford to let

go of yet. I still have several

balloons tied to my wrist

that cause me stress

or anxiety or

sadness.

Someday I will be able to toss my gravity-defying bouqet behind me and never look back. It is a comforting thought.

In the meantime, skydiving is a go for next spring.

claustrophobic

2010-06-13T13:43:00.000-07:00

there are clothes on the bed
and you're sleeping next to me,
stretched out like this gray
afternoon lull.
i can cope with this type of weight,
this type of sunless, out-of-season
lapse (as long as it doesn't last too long).

the rooms are overbooked
and everything smells like rain.

I can forgive (almost) anything.

2010-06-09T19:12:00.000-07:00

My goal for the past month or so has been to have TWO good days in a row. Maybe my problem is how I classify a "good" day. What is your definition?

Today was good, though. Today was enough. Today, I appreciate the beauty around me and the strange but good things life has given me.

On that note, I am recently obsessed with "So You Think You Can Dance" and Emily Dickinson. I can forgive anything when I have her to come home to and that show to watch twice a week.

rooms and sky

2010-06-01T19:40:00.000-07:00

Home from Kabekona...

2010-05-31T19:18:00.001-07:00

...and I am full of odds and ends just waiting to be tied up into text.
Here are some thoughts from the weekend:

My grandfather turned 84 today. He fought in WWII from 1944-1946.
The daisy field in front of the cabin is about to bloom.
I tried a pickle on Saturday hoping it would surprise me. GROSS.
I finished knitting my first hat yesterday!
Every ounce of stress in my body seems to disappear when I know there is a lake outside and my family is in the next room. It is quiet, but so good.
I heart Norway pines.
I felt something crawling inside the front of my shirt during church yesterday. I had to get up and leave in the middle of the service because there was a TICK in my bra. A true PK moment.
*pictures to come*

Happiness is

2010-05-20T16:08:00.000-07:00

a place to rest your head.

Carved Out

2010-05-11T15:44:00.000-07:00

Devotion manifests
like small stones
sliding beneath
the balls of my feet,
smooth and circular.
I know there are limits
as love struggles
to keep its shape,
but you define
the ground and where
we should build
like initals
carved in wood.

Rooms full of sun

2010-05-02T12:53:00.000-07:00

Rick planted a variety of herbs, cabbage, and peas from the farmer's market in the sunroom this weekend.

This leafy monstrosity has a life of its own.

Did I mention my husband bakes pies?

2010-04-24T18:09:00.000-07:00

3 cups of fresh strawberries and 3 cups fresh rhubarb from the farmer's market this morning.

Weaving the lattice homemade wheat crust.

Almost ready to go in the oven!

Hot out of the oven!

Canopy

2010-04-22T09:46:00.001-07:00

If life was flexible

like air: invisible

and free, I'd cast a line

or two about our love

and its debris.

Meet my new machine

2010-04-19T15:05:00.001-07:00

My Mom and Grandma snagged this little machine for me at the Textile Center silent auction last weekend: $35.00. I am pretty excited.

Sense of Direction

2010-04-02T20:28:00.001-07:00

On this day five years ago it all began. We drove around all night, watching stars and road signs but really just looking at each other. It was like we had both been pinned on the same point on the same map and decided simultaneously to head in the same direction.

I love this road that we're on, by the way.

Happy Anniversary, honey!

Survey Says

2010-03-31T15:55:00.001-07:00

Unintentional tragedy: I think I killed a bird in the parking lot this morning.

Random act(s) of kindness: An older gentleman held the door for me at the gas station when I was buying milk for the store. And a woman at JJ's complimented me on my shirt.

Wish for the day: A walk by the river. Or maybe a few games of ping pong.

Miscellaneous event: A woman from Cyprus placed an order for Moroccan Mint and a TeaSource poster. Also, I hung long paisley curtains with string and paper clips and staples in the front window at work.

Song of the day: Relator - Pete Yorn and Scarlett Johansson

Two Sundays Ago

2010-03-28T12:08:00.000-07:00

I guess I like the yours in mine, the keeping of the heart.

Not Today

2010-03-19T15:09:00.001-07:00

It's rare that I say the things I mean to say (even now).
Here are a few things I know:

The general public will never cease to baffle me (yes, even you).

I still don't know where I stand half of the time, but I have mastered the philosophy of fake it 'til you make it.

I love the drive home.

I am overwhelmed daily by extreme love, extreme unrest, and extreme reserve. Maybe someday I will wake up and finally accept the things that everyone else already seems to know.

Happy Birthday to my dear husband!

2010-03-03T05:36:00.000-08:00

Resolve

2010-03-02T18:27:00.000-08:00

Words can't grow skin

or fit into splints. They don't read

road signs or feel the comfort

of warm hands. Words reason

with isolation as a phantom

body, broaching desolate

boundaries of consciousness

without water or stars.

A time to walk

2010-02-28T17:41:00.000-08:00

Sipping some Golden Tip Yunnan and lamenting the end of the weekend. On the bright side, I am leaving for New Jersey on Thursday so that is mildly exciting. I have never been that far east (sad, I know) and although most of my time will be spent at an exposition center, it is still something. It holds lots of potential: customers, mostly.

I started a new book on the drive back from Milwaukee: so far so good. It is called The Lost Art of Walking by Geoff Nicholson. More on this later - I have always been a lover of walks, especially as a way to get to know a place and a way to relive a place over and over and over. Currently, it is too late and too dark to go for a walk (although the full moon is stunning tonight) but the calendar is only two and a half weeks from SPRING and the snow is melting off. There's nothing like a good thaw. And spring is a wonderful time to walk.

Totals for a half day

2010-02-23T14:52:00.000-08:00

White lies told today: 2

Times I thought about you: 236

Phone conversations: 3 and counting

Hours at work: 4

Dollars spent: $40

Experiments: 1

Gradation

2010-02-11T19:07:00.000-08:00

I have been writing a lot lately, and it feels great.

A couple weekend trips are in my future - I love roadtrips and lift offs.

I am trying to appreciate each day and bring some new light to this dark season.

These are a few of my favorite things.

2010-02-09T17:02:00.001-08:00

Martha's House by Edith Kunhardt. I checked this book out so often as a child that when we moved away, the librarian let me keep it.

Paul, you used to be 100 feet tall. Babe, you always made me laugh.

Princess Cafe, Iowa Falls, IA. I remember mirrors, gumball machines, and my family.

Dear Anxiety,

2010-02-05T15:10:00.000-08:00

THE WORLD IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE. RELAX.

Love, Sarah

Warmth and Want

2010-02-04T20:05:00.000-08:00

Hello again, it's been awhile.

I have retreated into routine these past few weeks: working, relaxing at home, sleeping, repeat. It is altogether rewarding and altogether ordinary. I love going to work every day and I love what I have to come home to. It has been a time of transition and even though it hasn't all been easy, I am learning to fit into this new mold.

I do, I do

It was about the time
the snow fell
and the bed was left unmade
for days and days
that we met in this new place
of unrest, equipped with weather
reports and alarm clocks.
Love, informed by instability,
rose to greet us
responding with warmth and want.

So to speak

2010-01-09T06:10:00.001-08:00

Almost done with the first week in my new full-time position and I am loving it!

Next week will be the real test, though.

*Our landlord is in Costa Rica until the end of March so Rick and I are playing house so to speak. It's pretty great - and I am pretty lucky.

Week 1

2010-01-06T07:35:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my friend Alison, I was inspired by the 365 day photo project she has undertaken. Though I haven't been taking photos EVERY day, I am going to attempt to post photos each week. I hope to improve my skills, capture daily life, and appreciate this beautiful world!

This is my new glass teapot! We are steeping "Fairy Lilly" which blossoms with a vibrant red and white flower. Rick watches as it unfolds.

We made homemade chili last night! Here are the kidney beans rinsed and ready to go.

Adding the final spices to the chili before letting it simmer for 4+ hours...hmmm...

Working on New Year's cards for family and friends.

A few weeks ago we moved my family piano into the house. It's pretty old, and the as you can see the pedals need some extra support.

The ivory may be coming off the keys, but I have practiced for countless hours on this instrument and still get endless enjoyment from it.

Disembodied Head

2010-01-04T19:22:00.001-08:00

The sheer scissor weight

Of your pillow crease

Perforates our space

And after you've gone

I wedge myself there

Like an account on paper.

Oh what a year!

2009-12-31T16:10:00.000-08:00

SO, it's the very last day of 2009 and wow, what a year it has been! Graduation, multiple moves, a wedding (!), and a full-time job! That's right, as of next Monday I will start my new position as Assistant Manager of TeaSource in St. Anthony Village. I cannot tell you how happy and excited I am to continue to be employed there. I never would or could have imagined a job like this for myself and that's why I know it is where I am supposed to be. Tea can only enhance a person's life and there is an endless amount to learn, experience, and taste!

Other hopes for the new year? Maybe a few small trips, a bump in my savings account, and progress on my endless reading list.

Maybe I'll learn a few new songs on the piano while I'm at it.

A Pile for a Pinch

2009-12-26T21:10:00.000-08:00

Anyone who knows me at all knows that I have a serious problem when it comes to books. I can't resist them. The other day at Jimmy John's the guy taking my order thought I worked at Half Price and wanted to trade a book for my Beach Club (no sprouts).
I had some great success at the bookstore today, though. A pile of gems for a pinch of the cost. Done.

I read Lolita on the bus ride from Copenhagen to Paris in March '08. It brings to mind dear friends, wonderful views, and beautiful language: $12.00.

This I bought for purely sentimental reasons. We had this version of Rudolph when I was young and this is still how I imagine him whenever I hear the song: $1.00.

I have never read this particular story but I am a big fan of Roald Dahl. I have a major weakness for children's literature:$1.00.

I had also never seen this book, but anything illustrated by Maurice Sendak has a place on my shelf: $3.00.

The first book I read by myself was The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Suess. Books like these help kids not only to learn, but to enjoy it: $1.00.

Shel Silverstein is a genius. I love his illustrations and his words. I secretly wish I could do what he does: $5.00.

Happy Anniversary!

2009-12-18T18:04:00.001-08:00

Here's to our first three months of marriage! My how time flies when you're having fun...

Umps.

2009-12-05T13:44:00.001-08:00

Feeling the slump, the lump in my throat.

Oh won't it be nice when my childhood piano is in the next room and I can teach myself new songs by Mozart and Bach and Debussy. They speak my language, appeal to my need to create. Sound waves, quick fingers, memorization, relaxed shoulders, dynamics, and tempo.

This bump in the road can only be temporary.

Job Hunt

2009-11-02T20:01:00.000-08:00

Ever since graduation I've been half-heartedly searching for a "real" job. You know, a 9-5, full-time with benefits sort of thing. So far, nothing. I am either under qualified or there are a large number of applicants or the universe is just out to get me... I really love my job at the tea shop but I am not sure if it's going to pay the bills come January. And I am mildly restless with the retail business, although I am still thankful to have a job at all.

The uneasiness that comes with this job hunt got me thinking outside about opportunities outside of MN. What if I applied for an internship in Denmark with DIS? What if I taught English in Japan or Korea? Much of this decision is dependent on Rick's situation at General Mills, but this IS the time in our life when we could pick up and live somewhere else for a year or two. I feel as though I have a second family in Denmark as it is, and it would be such an amazing experience to live there again. Time will tell. For now, I am content to sip tea from around the world and enjoy the holidays with friends and family.

I'm no good without a little sun.

2009-10-29T08:52:00.000-07:00

Sleep in my eyes and food on the brain. What else is new?

An Aesthetic Life

2009-10-21T08:58:00.000-07:00

Last night at work an older couple came in for refills of tea. They had a giant stack of old bags but only ended up buying three teas:

8 oz of Malaysian Highlands
8 oz of Flowery Yunnan
8 oz of Empire Keemun

When I was ringing them up we were chatting about the cold weather and I asked the woman if she needed a bag, and she said no, they lived in the area. She continued to say how nice it was to finally be settled in one place after traveling so much earlier in their marriage, and how wonderful it was to live in such "an aesthetic time of life." I can only assume her definition of an aesthetic life meant enjoying her family, her home, and her favorite tea.

What does it mean to you?

Lazy Monday

2009-10-12T20:00:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you a little secret about my day. Rarely do I actually utilize my free days to do nothing. Being lazy is not in my bones, but today, IT WAS. I slept in until 9:00, read my book for about half an hour in bed, and then fell back asleep. I woke up around 11:00, decided I should really take a shower, and then left the house for about an hour to run a couple errands (very leisurely, mind you). After errands, I watched T.V. and wrote thank you cards for another hour and a half and then climbed BACK into bed to watch something on Hulu...which I did for about three hours... My dinner was a short trip through the McD's drive-thru and then it was back under the covers where I currently am. I guess a warm bed and snow on the ground is all it takes to make me pretty much immobile.

Life is good.

Everthing's Amazing and Nobody's Happy

2009-10-12T07:32:00.000-07:00

Watch this!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8r1CZTLk-Gk

hardly a fan

2009-10-07T10:07:00.001-07:00

Wow, I am an epic failure at blogging lately. Domestic bliss is keeping me busy, I guess.

In the midst of MN's recent success in the sports department, I will post a poem that I have saved in Word under "football" even though I would hardly call myself a fan.

Standard Play
When I was in fourth grade, my neighbor
taught me to throw a perfect spiral.
He was a father to four girls and liked to drum
his fingers on the steering wheel when he drove us
to early morning orchestra.
I knew he had always wanted a son, so I figured my brief
tomboy streak was enough to earn his attention.
"All you have to do is line your fingers up with the laces, like this," he said,
demonstrating and handing me the football.
It felt rough and awkward in my nine-year old palm
as I placed my fingers along the braced, white grooves.
A row of oversized tennis shoes popped into my head.
"Now, bring your arm back and keep your eye on the prize."
He ran down the slight hill into our yard and turned to me,
his hands forming an imaginary target for me to aim at.
I drew my arm back, steadied my gaze, and released the ball.
I exhaled and watched the air between us bend,
aware that that perfect arch had realigned his perception
of what it means to throw like a girl.
-slgc

GO VIKINGS! GO TWINS!

Cornered

2009-09-30T21:49:00.000-07:00

Rooms feel bigger lately, perhaps they are growing (or maybe I'm shrinking)

Church is one of the only places where people actually sit still, even if they're not listening

Let's build an empire and I'll write words that will grow from the ground

Life is split
like a line discovering cor-
ners

Identify, check-out

2009-09-29T14:11:00.000-07:00

I feel obligated to write something today.

The past two days I've been running around changing all of my documents to my new name. License, passport, social security card, check card, credit card... It's all very annoying. I find it strange and slightly creepy that we are required to have so many forms of identification! Proof of citizenship, proof of this and that, proof that you actually DID get married, etc.

I did, however, get a library card today which I am pretty excited about. In an effort to save money, Rick and I decided we are going to try very hard to stop buying books and instead check them out from our local library. I like this idea, but I also really really like to buy books. In fact, I LOVE everything about buying, reading, and organizing books on shelves. Since most of our stuff is in storage at this point anyway, I think this new system will work out fine for now. I just have to get out of the habit of coveting books I can't keep...

rivers and wind

2009-09-27T13:11:00.000-07:00

Mississippi Headwaters

Peace Pipe Vista, Itasca State Park

9.24.09

The honeymoon is almost over and the wind is catching the lake as if through a net, dragging it somewhere from the east down toward the shores of our property. Kabekona is not a big lake, but it has been known to claim small fishing boats, rafts full of air, and unsuspecting beach balls left behind in the excited flutter of small children. Tops of trees blink in the wind like light even though the sky is overcast. The leaves blush beside the new death of flower heads and yellowing ferns, oblivious to the squirrel chatter and the directionless, piercing loon cries. I rarely see September in the woods, but I like how honest it is, how it embraces the prospect of winter without letting summer slip too far too fast.

so far

2009-09-26T22:46:00.001-07:00

I am home again: married, honeymooned, moved in, and so far I am without complaints.

More tomorrow, it's late.

a small victory

2009-09-15T09:44:00.000-07:00

In the midst of everything that is going on, I managed to write most of a poem last night. I consider that a small victory. Granted, it was inspired by a swarm of gnats and a walk in the park from a couple weeks ago, but nonetheless, it's almost finished. I hope my creative energy keeps recharging itself over the next week and a half. I always write when I am at the cabin and it will be a good excercise for me to have such a quiet, limitless environment to work.

Currently sitting in the shade on a side street waiting for 1:00 o'clock to roll around. I ran some errands this morning and officially moved out of Caitlin's apartment (sad face). My car is full of bedding, wrapping paper, and my suitcase. Won't it be nice when I can stop bouncing around and have a place to call home?

Countdown

2009-09-14T12:41:00.000-07:00

Two more days of work, three more days until the rehearsal, four more days until THE DAY, five more days until gifts and pizza, six days until we're at the cabin away from it all.

Right now I'm so overwhelmed with details and worrying about everything going right that I am most excited for our week up north. However, I know that once I get to put on the dress and experience all the love that is about to hit downtown St. Paul, I will be overjoyed!

2009-09-11T09:43:00.001-07:00

ONE WEEK.

Journal Entry

2009-09-10T20:13:00.000-07:00

This is the journal entry I wrote the day I was driving north to the cabin with my parents. This is the journal entry I wrote the day Rick asked me to marry him...

May 21, 2008

Driving to Kabekona with Mom and Dad in the Lego green van. McD's in Cambridge. You know we're getting north when the radio starts going fuzzy and the sun drops low in the sky - a seemingly simultaneous event. There's no traffic to speak of and the farms are like quiet little machines as we pass by, occasionally smelling of manure. Road trip. Reverse culture shock? Hardly. I feel like I am under a constant shifting - sleep-deprived after a full night of sleep - familiar but not familiar scenery - an impossible task of relaying the past four months under categories of "Favorite Things" "Most Interesting City" "Biggest Difference" "Things I Miss the Most" etc. I haven't cried once since arriving in the U.S. I've come close many times, but still feel strangely numb and strangely receptive. Need I be brave here too? Why do I feel just as lonely at night, surrounded by the smells and sounds of home? There might be frost tonight. The trees aren't fully bloomed and look a little shy in the sunshine.

On the Inside

2009-09-08T21:30:00.001-07:00

You can only be sure of something if you're on the inside. You can only be sure of someone if you're on the inside.

Criteria for being inside:
-Share stories
-Laugh at inside jokes
-Communicate nonverbally
-Care less for people on the outside
-Bring the inside with you everywhere

Today is the first day of school for a lot of people. I am not in school anymore. I do not belong to an institution that has a mascot or a newspaper or a student senate. I no longer complain about all the reading I have or all the papers I need to write. I have an abundance of free time. Time. I am killing time right now. I have no one to answer to, no one to grade my performance, no one to make sure I attend.
I think I must be on the outside of a very strange inside joke.

what is enough?

2009-09-05T21:45:00.001-07:00

Just saw 500 Days of Summer. I can't wait for the sequel: Eternal Autumn. (seriously, though, what a good movie)

I wrote this poem three years ago, but it reminded me of the movie. And, since I am exhausted and happy tonight, that's all I got.

Enough
I can live without you.
Oxygen will still flow into my lungs
and keep my blood warm.
The sky will not fall on my head
in tiny, starlit pieces
and the buildings will still stand
like modern day giants.
This new backdrop, though gray,
will still offer me some beauty,
some reasons to smile.
I could watch you drift away
like a season, like a tide,
until your face disappeared
as a sail on the horizon...
...I could.

(Living without you, though, just wouldn't be enough).

Love Poem #2

2009-09-04T10:34:00.000-07:00

A hue my eyes have never seen
before, a door I never
thought to check,
a deck of cards
displayed before my heart
in suits of club and spade.
You wade through my affection
like a child long at play,
you hand me all the smallest parts
that heartache tried to hide.
The colors that I see inside
of me I see in you.
I want to give it all away
again, just give it up to you:
a home away from home
I'll stay, this visionary hue.

Love Poem #1

2009-09-03T06:38:00.000-07:00

I can't avert my gaze.
This maze of right and wrong
winds faster than the clock,
to dock this ship
would be a foolish act
for luck has brought us here
my dear, you are the wind
against the sail, this high-flying
fairy tale of chance.
You took my hand and now
we dance beneath the rain -
no sign of letting up.
We move each other still,
the thrill has yet to fade.

I am looking back to the beginning of my relationship when love seemed as impossible to capture as it was to ignore. Now, my love is tangible and formed.

Loose Change

2009-09-01T19:51:00.001-07:00

I am an attempt at language. Order and meter and rhythm tempt me.

I am pin-pricked and full of old words today.

Nervous Habit (2005)
Put me in your pocket when you go,
Tucked beside your keys
And leather wallet.
Leave me there, forgotten,
That you may rediscover what we had
Like a handful of loose change.
Let me be a weight against your body
Always there to kiss your nervous fingers
As they dig for some familiar comfort.
Put me in your pocket when you go
That we may ease this blow we've suffered
Saying goodbye.

MN is My State

2009-09-01T18:56:00.000-07:00

Whenever I see the hoards of people that come to the Fair every year, it gives me a mild panic attack. I hate the traffic, the standing in line, and the high prices. However, the overall atmosphere is the best place I know of for people watching and pigging out on once-a-year varieties of food.

I think I am becoming more Minnesotan every day. I love our state.

Time Travel

2009-08-31T08:36:00.000-07:00

Bachelorette party: check. Thank you to the nice Norweigan boys and everyone else who signed my free poster or enjoyed a Blow Pop.

In a few hours I'm heading to Mankato to see Em and try out my wedding hairstyle before my final fitting tomorrow afternoon. Looking forward to a nice drive and time traveling back into the 90's vortex that is Kato :)

in a cupboard, in a desk

2009-08-28T09:30:00.000-07:00

I bought an Address Book yesterday. For some reason I was thinking about the book my Mom always had in one of the kitchen cupboards. It had a floral print on the front and was scribbled with addresses, recipes, names, phone numbers, birthdays, and other odds and ends. I liked flipping through it when I was young. I remember how hard it was to read her handwriting and how I wished I knew enough people to fill a book like that.

Name __________________
Address ______________________
Phone/Fax ______________________
Home Phone _____________________
Cell Phone _____________________

faces, no names

2009-08-27T10:24:00.001-07:00

i bumped into your
ripple of recognition
like a V dotting the sky:
flesh into air into flesh.

A Thing or Two

2009-08-26T08:19:00.001-07:00

I'm still here --- suffering from a double ear infection and no real promise of getting better. I've been talking inside my head for days now and can't even hear myself type.

This past weekend was a success, though. Spent time with my lovelies at work, testing beverages at the Tea Garden, wandering around Grand Ave, eating at Blondie's, and buying things at the Antique Mall. By far my best purchase was a book called Ideal Marriage: Its Physiology and Technique by Dr. Van de Velde, Copyright 1926. I read the opening lines and knew I had to get it:

"Marriage - in Christian civilization at least - is often a failure. On that point there can be no manner of doubt. It can be the gate of an earthly Eden, but it is, in actual fact, often a hell of torment." (insert laughing out loud in the store)

Most of the book deals with sexuality and a very scientific approach to the human body and sexual union. Not that marriage is a subject to be taken lightly, but it is intriguing to read his views from eighty years ago. He is blunt, to the point, and his subject matter is pretty great. I love a good laugh, and who knows? I might learn a thing or two.

pretty lucky

2009-08-21T08:54:00.000-07:00

This morning: going to get our marriage license. The fee is $110 and it must be used within 6 months. Check.

Working this afternoon (with EMILY!) and then tonight I am officially being welcomed by the Cedergren sisters as, well, their sister. I grew up with two brothers, so inheriting 6 wonderful women as family is a little overwhelming but also really great. I feel pretty lucky. We're going to Buca di Beppo and it is going to be delicious :)

Currently addicted to almonds and Pringles potato chips.

i hate it when.

2009-08-20T20:11:00.000-07:00

exhausted and crabby about student loans. ugggghhhhh.

Bid

2009-08-19T21:01:00.000-07:00

My heart is a house...

Thanks to my little brother for introducing me to Owl City.
A lovely night of Oh Hell (or 7 Up if you're a Cedergren), Corona with lime, and mild panic attacks about bidding.

...and you are home.

drink and the noise

2009-08-18T19:53:00.000-07:00

Reading books, sleeping at odd hours of the day, selling tea, and spending time with friends and family = one happy gal.

Long day at work, quiet night at home, and a day off tomorrow with a lot of good eating lined up: lunch date with Caitlin at Blondies Cafe and then to Grandma's house for tacos and root beer.

Finished Tar Baby this morning and started Self-Help by Lorrie Moore. Good stuff. Now, back to this delicious mango-flavored drink and the noise inside my head.

Long Stretches

2009-08-17T11:25:00.000-07:00

Craving these like crazy today. Peanut M&M's are my favorite kind of M&M, hands down. Good thing I have a large bag of them in the pantry.So far today, I had my hair trimmed (a full inch), made some progress on Tar Baby, which I hope to finish this afternoon, and later tonight Rick and I are meeting with our friend who is doing flowers for the wedding. Yesterday was a LONG day working at the Japanese Lantern Lighting Festival in Como Park, and I am celebrating my day off with chocolate and long stretches of quiet.

Project Under Way

2009-08-16T08:02:00.001-07:00

Hmmm. I didn't write yesterday. In fact, I didn't even think about it.

I woke up early this morning to the rain and tiny grumbles of thunder. I love curling up next to someone when it's still dark - that's the way to start your day.

A new project is under way. I have been thinking about it for a few weeks now, and I am ready to give it a go. Who knows what will come of it, if anything. I do know, however, that there is potential. There is material. And there is a strange desire lurking in my person to simply TRY. So that's what I'm going to do.

to my chin

2009-08-13T21:03:00.001-07:00

A cool bath and a cold drink is just what the doctor ordered.

The tub in this apartment is fantastically big. There is window that faces the street and I can read with the water up to my chin.

If Ever

2009-08-12T22:08:00.000-07:00

Note to self: DO NOT order Combo #1 at Highland Theater. 1 medium drink and 1 medium popcorn is enough to feed four people. I am only one person. $7.75 is just too much to throw away.

In spite of that, Julie and Julia is a lovely film. It makes me wish I had the time, space, and gumption to learn how to cook. Maybe someday I will, although I don't think I'll ever go to such an extreme. Maybe in ten years if I find myself rich and bored I will consider it. I guess the struggling writer storyline isn't so far off base either.

One thing is for certain: if ever a movie was made about my life, I would want Amy Adams to star in it. She is delightful.

just a couple of

2009-08-12T10:15:00.000-07:00

Roses hung like a dishtowel.

Condensation on every glass today. Living with no AC - just a couple of fans oscillating air around the
room(s).

I finished Ishmael first thing this morning. I'll get back to you.

Lunchtime?

Reconnected

2009-08-11T14:56:00.000-07:00

Finally back and reconnected after a lovely weekend in Cedar Falls. The wedding went smoothly, the weather was HOT but cooperative, and Rick and I successfully missed a nearby tornado and severe storm on our way out of town. PHEW!

Currently reading Ishmael - I am almost done after only a few days. You know how people are always saying "Oh, read this book!" or "This book changed my life!" or "You HAVE to read this next!" Inevitably, the list of recommendations grows and grows until it is impossible to choose. This book though, actually HAS and will continue to change the way I look at the world. I feel like people have been walking around with this knowledge and haven't said anything! That's how important this book is. I will definitely be writing about this book once I have finished it and have had time to process it. I wish wish wish someone had put this book in my hands when I was 18. I wish I had been digesting this book for years, not just a few days. It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase take it or leave it.

Family photo

2009-08-06T19:45:00.000-07:00

My loves and I at Chatterbox.

tonight

2009-08-05T22:15:00.000-07:00

My girls are life-giving.

And my fiance gives my love a name.

All At Once

2009-08-05T09:20:00.001-07:00

I am stressed, overwhelmed, excited and sad all at once. Gugh.

I'm on my way to Cedar Falls, IA this weekend to be in a friend's wedding. We met in fifth grade and bonded over Magic Attic dolls, our mutual love of history, Bugels, movies that made us cry, and books. We started writing a novel together in seventh grade and continue to work on it when we get together. I think the working title is Shades of Red and it is a historical fiction novel set in the 1940's about a boy who runs away from home, falls in love, goes to war, and everything in between. It's funny how characters we created so many years ago still seem so real to me today - we talk about them as if they are old friends.

I won't be writing much this weekend or in the next few days, but I will when I can.

It's going to be hard to say goodbye but I know good things are yet to come.

Secrets and Reasons

2009-08-04T09:50:00.000-07:00

This picture is from last summer, but since my camera is broken, it will have to do! As of Thursday, we will no longer live at Georgia 210 together, which is a hard concept to wrap my head around. But, we have TeaSource and our weekly reunions to look forward to.

We had an early lunch at Trotter's this morning. They have such good food and it's a really relaxing atmosphere. (They also carry TeaSource tea so that is an obvious WIN!)

Em had never been to Wet Paint so we stopped in on our way home. I LOVE THAT STORE! I secretly wanted to buy a Starry Night paint-by-number, but I don't have the funds. We walked out wishing we had a reason to buy colored pencils, journals, stamps, tubes of paint, and brushes of every size.

Impossible

2009-08-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

"The best times are when it is impossible to be cynical about anything." -Anthony Bourdain

The day I took this picture of myself was a one of the best times. I was waiting for the train to take me to the CPH airport so I could catch a plane to London to visit one of my dearest, oldest friends. I walked out of the house with nothing but a backpack and music in my ears. It is an incredible feeling to be so light, so free, and so mobile.

Oh Heavens

2009-08-02T19:41:00.001-07:00

My bridal shower was today! So much love, so many wonderful people, and cupcakes. Oh yeah, and the whole getting married thing.

I am so happy!

occasional crop

2009-08-01T19:46:00.000-07:00

dry, abandoned

segments

of my heart's husk

cling to small, savory

kernels of loss,

each one ripe

and unbounded

like newly turned

handfuls of earth.

Drive-Thru

2009-08-01T06:07:00.001-07:00

I am seriously considering a breakfast sandwich from McDonald's on my way to work. Shhhhhh.

jaunts and jolts

2009-07-31T08:12:00.001-07:00

Aside from the fact that this is the second day in a row I can only hear out of my right ear, life is good. My four hour jaunt to the tea shop today will be a painless little boost to my pocketbook and the free remedy of my favorite little plant always brightens my day.

New favorite activities: swinging at Mattocks Park (in the daylight), listening to the radio and driving - I surprise myself with how much I enjoy driving, and blowing around in the wind without a real address until September. I am off the map, on the road, and high, high in the sky.

Iron & Wine or The Postal Service?

2009-07-30T07:09:00.000-07:00

A song for your trouble. Nothing new today.

Such Great Heights

"I am thinking it's a sign
That the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images and
When we kiss they're perfectly aligned

And I have to speculate
That God himself did make us into
Corresponding shapes like puzzles pieces
From the clay

True, it may seem like a stretch
But it's thoughts like this
That catch my troubled head
When you're away, when I am missing you to death

When you were out there on the road
For several weeks of shows
And when you scan the radio
I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
'Come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
'Come down now,' but we'll stay

I've tried my best to leave
This all on your machine
But the persistent beat
Sounded thin upon listening

That frankly will not fly
You will hear the shrillest highs
And lowest lows with the windows down
When this is guiding you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
'Come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
'Come down now,' but we'll say..."

Tony B.

2009-07-29T11:30:00.000-07:00

New favorite show: Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations. He travels, eats local cuisine, and talks to everyone from world-famous chefs to the guys at the local bar. He's bitter, cynical, and an incredible dork. That, my friends, equals a good hour of television.