Disenchant

expectations are tricky. trying to feel something other than disappointment.

Suddenly

After a tornado rips through your neighborhood and very gingerly leaves an entire tree tipped onto your house, things change a little. You realize how little control you actually have over...anything. The word "value" instantly takes on a new meaning. The people you love are brought to the forefront and suddenly, you are forced to accept that life is fragile. So fragile.

This past weekend while I was with my family at Kabekona, we went to church on Sunday morning in LaPorte. Imagine the smallest town you've ever been in and then divide that in half twice over - that will give you a pretty accurate image of this town. There is a school, a grocery store, a gas station, and a church. A little white church that I have been attending as long as I can remember. We always sit about four rows back on the left hand side, surrounded by aging giants of the Lutheran church and their wives and families. The phrase "stand as you are able" rings out over the congregation as we rise (or sit) for hymns and pray responsively. I can't help but look at my 85 year old grandfather during the sermon - his expression radiates with a warm understanding, a kind of peace and assurance that I can't really put into words or fully understand. I can feel this warmth stretch down the pew to my grandmother - a quiet anchor.

That little white church in LaPorte has managed to thrive for years and years and continues to be an unlikely source of inspiration to me. I like how out-of-the-way and almost secret that little congregation of people is to the rest of the world. I like singing those hymns and reciting the creeds and prayers that have been burned into my brain. Somewhere, in-between that age-old language of worship, my skepticism of the institution, and my struggle to have faith in the world, hope has found a way to usher itself into my heart, even when unknown forces surface, so suddenly.

Four Seasons Tea Ceremony

I had the wonderful opportunity to attend a Taiwan tea ceremony this weekend in celebration of Taiwanese Heritage Week. We were split up into groups of five where we were served a different tea by certified tea artists of the Taiwan TeaTalk Group. Tommy Tang, his sister Sunny, and their mother are from Chilai Tea Farm in Taiwan where they grow and produce their own tea. Tommy gave a lecture in the morning and then all three performed the tea ceremony in the afternoon. It was a truly lovely experience.

Spring: "Tea Bud in a Cloud"

Summer: Chialai Green Oolong

Fall: Wu Tang (Dark Roasted Oolong)

Winter: Mi Hsian Honey Oolong (this was my favorite)

Losing Matter

The hurt can be tender, too.
Your absence aches like a loose tooth
and my heart is a cavity.

Into the Light

I finally woke up today. The sun was brimming behind my blue bedroom curtains and I felt something change - the whole neighborhood seemed to feel it too. After opening windows all over the house: in the kitchen, in the dining room, on the staircase, in the bedroom, and in the T.V. room, I settled into the sun room with a book and the wonderful warmth. Outside, people were walking to church, playing with their dogs, riding their bikes, singing along to their car radios, and playing ball in the front yard. My favorite was the young boy walking down Russell Ave. with his backpack eating a bright orange lollipop.

Why does a little bit of sun make so much difference? Is it chemical? is it natural? is it coincidental?

This chair and this room and this view. This.

Minnesota Specific

The winter makes me dream about shores and wave lengths and sounds that sum up my heart place.

When the last boat

trails the dark water

the lone loon sings

as if the trees were walls

and the water a set of strings.

Cities I Love, Cities I Miss

Harriman Park: Hampton, IA

Monkey bars, swings, bike rides, slides, running, tag, sunshine.

Berlin Wall: Berlin, Germany

Forgotten, tourist, history, erosion, photos, lonliness.

Skagen, Denmark:
Study tour, frost, yellow paint, sunset, waves, art, bus rides, windows.

Paris, France

Disbelief, anxiety, uncanny, friends, stench, love, luggage, appetite.