Oh what a year!

SO, it's the very last day of 2009 and wow, what a year it has been! Graduation, multiple moves, a wedding (!), and a full-time job! That's right, as of next Monday I will start my new position as Assistant Manager of TeaSource in St. Anthony Village. I cannot tell you how happy and excited I am to continue to be employed there. I never would or could have imagined a job like this for myself and that's why I know it is where I am supposed to be. Tea can only enhance a person's life and there is an endless amount to learn, experience, and taste!

Other hopes for the new year? Maybe a few small trips, a bump in my savings account, and progress on my endless reading list.

Maybe I'll learn a few new songs on the piano while I'm at it.

A Pile for a Pinch

Anyone who knows me at all knows that I have a serious problem when it comes to books. I can't resist them. The other day at Jimmy John's the guy taking my order thought I worked at Half Price and wanted to trade a book for my Beach Club (no sprouts).
I had some great success at the bookstore today, though. A pile of gems for a pinch of the cost. Done.

I read Lolita on the bus ride from Copenhagen to Paris in March '08. It brings to mind dear friends, wonderful views, and beautiful language: $12.00.

This I bought for purely sentimental reasons. We had this version of Rudolph when I was young and this is still how I imagine him whenever I hear the song: $1.00.

I have never read this particular story but I am a big fan of Roald Dahl. I have a major weakness for children's literature:$1.00.

I had also never seen this book, but anything illustrated by Maurice Sendak has a place on my shelf: $3.00.

The first book I read by myself was The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Suess. Books like these help kids not only to learn, but to enjoy it: $1.00.

Shel Silverstein is a genius. I love his illustrations and his words. I secretly wish I could do what he does: $5.00.

Happy Anniversary!

Here's to our first three months of marriage! My how time flies when you're having fun...

Umps.

Feeling the slump, the lump in my throat.

Oh won't it be nice when my childhood piano is in the next room and I can teach myself new songs by Mozart and Bach and Debussy. They speak my language, appeal to my need to create. Sound waves, quick fingers, memorization, relaxed shoulders, dynamics, and tempo.

This bump in the road can only be temporary.

Job Hunt

Ever since graduation I've been half-heartedly searching for a "real" job. You know, a 9-5, full-time with benefits sort of thing. So far, nothing. I am either under qualified or there are a large number of applicants or the universe is just out to get me... I really love my job at the tea shop but I am not sure if it's going to pay the bills come January. And I am mildly restless with the retail business, although I am still thankful to have a job at all.

The uneasiness that comes with this job hunt got me thinking outside about opportunities outside of MN. What if I applied for an internship in Denmark with DIS? What if I taught English in Japan or Korea? Much of this decision is dependent on Rick's situation at General Mills, but this IS the time in our life when we could pick up and live somewhere else for a year or two. I feel as though I have a second family in Denmark as it is, and it would be such an amazing experience to live there again. Time will tell. For now, I am content to sip tea from around the world and enjoy the holidays with friends and family.

I'm no good without a little sun.

Sleep in my eyes and food on the brain. What else is new?

An Aesthetic Life

Last night at work an older couple came in for refills of tea. They had a giant stack of old bags but only ended up buying three teas:

8 oz of Malaysian Highlands
8 oz of Flowery Yunnan
8 oz of Empire Keemun

When I was ringing them up we were chatting about the cold weather and I asked the woman if she needed a bag, and she said no, they lived in the area. She continued to say how nice it was to finally be settled in one place after traveling so much earlier in their marriage, and how wonderful it was to live in such "an aesthetic time of life." I can only assume her definition of an aesthetic life meant enjoying her family, her home, and her favorite tea.

What does it mean to you?

Lazy Monday

Let me tell you a little secret about my day. Rarely do I actually utilize my free days to do nothing. Being lazy is not in my bones, but today, IT WAS. I slept in until 9:00, read my book for about half an hour in bed, and then fell back asleep. I woke up around 11:00, decided I should really take a shower, and then left the house for about an hour to run a couple errands (very leisurely, mind you). After errands, I watched T.V. and wrote thank you cards for another hour and a half and then climbed BACK into bed to watch something on Hulu...which I did for about three hours... My dinner was a short trip through the McD's drive-thru and then it was back under the covers where I currently am. I guess a warm bed and snow on the ground is all it takes to make me pretty much immobile.

Life is good.

Everthing's Amazing and Nobody's Happy

Watch this!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8r1CZTLk-Gk

hardly a fan

Wow, I am an epic failure at blogging lately. Domestic bliss is keeping me busy, I guess.

In the midst of MN's recent success in the sports department, I will post a poem that I have saved in Word under "football" even though I would hardly call myself a fan.

Standard Play
When I was in fourth grade, my neighbor
taught me to throw a perfect spiral.
He was a father to four girls and liked to drum
his fingers on the steering wheel when he drove us
to early morning orchestra.
I knew he had always wanted a son, so I figured my brief
tomboy streak was enough to earn his attention.
"All you have to do is line your fingers up with the laces, like this," he said,
demonstrating and handing me the football.
It felt rough and awkward in my nine-year old palm
as I placed my fingers along the braced, white grooves.
A row of oversized tennis shoes popped into my head.
"Now, bring your arm back and keep your eye on the prize."
He ran down the slight hill into our yard and turned to me,
his hands forming an imaginary target for me to aim at.
I drew my arm back, steadied my gaze, and released the ball.
I exhaled and watched the air between us bend,
aware that that perfect arch had realigned his perception
of what it means to throw like a girl.
-slgc

GO VIKINGS! GO TWINS!

Cornered

Rooms feel bigger lately, perhaps they are growing (or maybe I'm shrinking)

Church is one of the only places where people actually sit still, even if they're not listening

Let's build an empire and I'll write words that will grow from the ground

Life is split
like a line discovering cor-
ners

Identify, check-out

I feel obligated to write something today.

The past two days I've been running around changing all of my documents to my new name. License, passport, social security card, check card, credit card... It's all very annoying. I find it strange and slightly creepy that we are required to have so many forms of identification! Proof of citizenship, proof of this and that, proof that you actually DID get married, etc.

I did, however, get a library card today which I am pretty excited about. In an effort to save money, Rick and I decided we are going to try very hard to stop buying books and instead check them out from our local library. I like this idea, but I also really really like to buy books. In fact, I LOVE everything about buying, reading, and organizing books on shelves. Since most of our stuff is in storage at this point anyway, I think this new system will work out fine for now. I just have to get out of the habit of coveting books I can't keep...

rivers and wind

Mississippi Headwaters

Peace Pipe Vista, Itasca State Park

9.24.09

The honeymoon is almost over and the wind is catching the lake as if through a net, dragging it somewhere from the east down toward the shores of our property. Kabekona is not a big lake, but it has been known to claim small fishing boats, rafts full of air, and unsuspecting beach balls left behind in the excited flutter of small children. Tops of trees blink in the wind like light even though the sky is overcast. The leaves blush beside the new death of flower heads and yellowing ferns, oblivious to the squirrel chatter and the directionless, piercing loon cries. I rarely see September in the woods, but I like how honest it is, how it embraces the prospect of winter without letting summer slip too far too fast.

so far

I am home again: married, honeymooned, moved in, and so far I am without complaints.

More tomorrow, it's late.

a small victory

In the midst of everything that is going on, I managed to write most of a poem last night. I consider that a small victory. Granted, it was inspired by a swarm of gnats and a walk in the park from a couple weeks ago, but nonetheless, it's almost finished. I hope my creative energy keeps recharging itself over the next week and a half. I always write when I am at the cabin and it will be a good excercise for me to have such a quiet, limitless environment to work.

Currently sitting in the shade on a side street waiting for 1:00 o'clock to roll around. I ran some errands this morning and officially moved out of Caitlin's apartment (sad face). My car is full of bedding, wrapping paper, and my suitcase. Won't it be nice when I can stop bouncing around and have a place to call home?

Countdown

Two more days of work, three more days until the rehearsal, four more days until THE DAY, five more days until gifts and pizza, six days until we're at the cabin away from it all.

Right now I'm so overwhelmed with details and worrying about everything going right that I am most excited for our week up north. However, I know that once I get to put on the dress and experience all the love that is about to hit downtown St. Paul, I will be overjoyed!

ONE WEEK.

Journal Entry

This is the journal entry I wrote the day I was driving north to the cabin with my parents. This is the journal entry I wrote the day Rick asked me to marry him...

May 21, 2008

Driving to Kabekona with Mom and Dad in the Lego green van. McD's in Cambridge. You know we're getting north when the radio starts going fuzzy and the sun drops low in the sky - a seemingly simultaneous event. There's no traffic to speak of and the farms are like quiet little machines as we pass by, occasionally smelling of manure. Road trip. Reverse culture shock? Hardly. I feel like I am under a constant shifting - sleep-deprived after a full night of sleep - familiar but not familiar scenery - an impossible task of relaying the past four months under categories of "Favorite Things" "Most Interesting City" "Biggest Difference" "Things I Miss the Most" etc. I haven't cried once since arriving in the U.S. I've come close many times, but still feel strangely numb and strangely receptive. Need I be brave here too? Why do I feel just as lonely at night, surrounded by the smells and sounds of home? There might be frost tonight. The trees aren't fully bloomed and look a little shy in the sunshine.

On the Inside

You can only be sure of something if you're on the inside. You can only be sure of someone if you're on the inside.

Criteria for being inside:
-Share stories
-Laugh at inside jokes
-Communicate nonverbally
-Care less for people on the outside
-Bring the inside with you everywhere

Today is the first day of school for a lot of people. I am not in school anymore. I do not belong to an institution that has a mascot or a newspaper or a student senate. I no longer complain about all the reading I have or all the papers I need to write. I have an abundance of free time. Time. I am killing time right now. I have no one to answer to, no one to grade my performance, no one to make sure I attend.
I think I must be on the outside of a very strange inside joke.

what is enough?

Just saw 500 Days of Summer. I can't wait for the sequel: Eternal Autumn. (seriously, though, what a good movie)

I wrote this poem three years ago, but it reminded me of the movie. And, since I am exhausted and happy tonight, that's all I got.

Enough
I can live without you.
Oxygen will still flow into my lungs
and keep my blood warm.
The sky will not fall on my head
in tiny, starlit pieces
and the buildings will still stand
like modern day giants.
This new backdrop, though gray,
will still offer me some beauty,
some reasons to smile.
I could watch you drift away
like a season, like a tide,
until your face disappeared
as a sail on the horizon...
...I could.

(Living without you, though, just wouldn't be enough).

Love Poem #2

A hue my eyes have never seen
before, a door I never
thought to check,
a deck of cards
displayed before my heart
in suits of club and spade.
You wade through my affection
like a child long at play,
you hand me all the smallest parts
that heartache tried to hide.
The colors that I see inside
of me I see in you.
I want to give it all away
again, just give it up to you:
a home away from home
I'll stay, this visionary hue.

Love Poem #1

I can't avert my gaze.
This maze of right and wrong
winds faster than the clock,
to dock this ship
would be a foolish act
for luck has brought us here
my dear, you are the wind
against the sail, this high-flying
fairy tale of chance.
You took my hand and now
we dance beneath the rain -
no sign of letting up.
We move each other still,
the thrill has yet to fade.

I am looking back to the beginning of my relationship when love seemed as impossible to capture as it was to ignore. Now, my love is tangible and formed.

Loose Change

I am an attempt at language. Order and meter and rhythm tempt me.

I am pin-pricked and full of old words today.

Nervous Habit (2005)
Put me in your pocket when you go,
Tucked beside your keys
And leather wallet.
Leave me there, forgotten,
That you may rediscover what we had
Like a handful of loose change.
Let me be a weight against your body
Always there to kiss your nervous fingers
As they dig for some familiar comfort.
Put me in your pocket when you go
That we may ease this blow we've suffered
Saying goodbye.

MN is My State

Whenever I see the hoards of people that come to the Fair every year, it gives me a mild panic attack. I hate the traffic, the standing in line, and the high prices. However, the overall atmosphere is the best place I know of for people watching and pigging out on once-a-year varieties of food.

I think I am becoming more Minnesotan every day. I love our state.

Time Travel

Bachelorette party: check. Thank you to the nice Norweigan boys and everyone else who signed my free poster or enjoyed a Blow Pop.

In a few hours I'm heading to Mankato to see Em and try out my wedding hairstyle before my final fitting tomorrow afternoon. Looking forward to a nice drive and time traveling back into the 90's vortex that is Kato :)

in a cupboard, in a desk

I bought an Address Book yesterday. For some reason I was thinking about the book my Mom always had in one of the kitchen cupboards. It had a floral print on the front and was scribbled with addresses, recipes, names, phone numbers, birthdays, and other odds and ends. I liked flipping through it when I was young. I remember how hard it was to read her handwriting and how I wished I knew enough people to fill a book like that.

Name __________________
Address ______________________
Phone/Fax ______________________
Home Phone _____________________
Cell Phone _____________________

faces, no names

i bumped into your
ripple of recognition
like a V dotting the sky:
flesh into air into flesh.

A Thing or Two

I'm still here --- suffering from a double ear infection and no real promise of getting better. I've been talking inside my head for days now and can't even hear myself type.

This past weekend was a success, though. Spent time with my lovelies at work, testing beverages at the Tea Garden, wandering around Grand Ave, eating at Blondie's, and buying things at the Antique Mall. By far my best purchase was a book called Ideal Marriage: Its Physiology and Technique by Dr. Van de Velde, Copyright 1926. I read the opening lines and knew I had to get it:

"Marriage - in Christian civilization at least - is often a failure. On that point there can be no manner of doubt. It can be the gate of an earthly Eden, but it is, in actual fact, often a hell of torment." (insert laughing out loud in the store)

Most of the book deals with sexuality and a very scientific approach to the human body and sexual union. Not that marriage is a subject to be taken lightly, but it is intriguing to read his views from eighty years ago. He is blunt, to the point, and his subject matter is pretty great. I love a good laugh, and who knows? I might learn a thing or two.

pretty lucky

This morning: going to get our marriage license. The fee is $110 and it must be used within 6 months. Check.

Working this afternoon (with EMILY!) and then tonight I am officially being welcomed by the Cedergren sisters as, well, their sister. I grew up with two brothers, so inheriting 6 wonderful women as family is a little overwhelming but also really great. I feel pretty lucky. We're going to Buca di Beppo and it is going to be delicious :)

Currently addicted to almonds and Pringles potato chips.

i hate it when.

exhausted and crabby about student loans. ugggghhhhh.

Bid

My heart is a house...

Thanks to my little brother for introducing me to Owl City.
A lovely night of Oh Hell (or 7 Up if you're a Cedergren), Corona with lime, and mild panic attacks about bidding.

...and you are home.

drink and the noise

Reading books, sleeping at odd hours of the day, selling tea, and spending time with friends and family = one happy gal.

Long day at work, quiet night at home, and a day off tomorrow with a lot of good eating lined up: lunch date with Caitlin at Blondies Cafe and then to Grandma's house for tacos and root beer.

Finished Tar Baby this morning and started Self-Help by Lorrie Moore. Good stuff. Now, back to this delicious mango-flavored drink and the noise inside my head.

Long Stretches

Craving these like crazy today. Peanut M&M's are my favorite kind of M&M, hands down. Good thing I have a large bag of them in the pantry.So far today, I had my hair trimmed (a full inch), made some progress on Tar Baby, which I hope to finish this afternoon, and later tonight Rick and I are meeting with our friend who is doing flowers for the wedding. Yesterday was a LONG day working at the Japanese Lantern Lighting Festival in Como Park, and I am celebrating my day off with chocolate and long stretches of quiet.

Project Under Way

Hmmm. I didn't write yesterday. In fact, I didn't even think about it.

I woke up early this morning to the rain and tiny grumbles of thunder. I love curling up next to someone when it's still dark - that's the way to start your day.

A new project is under way. I have been thinking about it for a few weeks now, and I am ready to give it a go. Who knows what will come of it, if anything. I do know, however, that there is potential. There is material. And there is a strange desire lurking in my person to simply TRY. So that's what I'm going to do.

to my chin

A cool bath and a cold drink is just what the doctor ordered.

The tub in this apartment is fantastically big. There is window that faces the street and I can read with the water up to my chin.

If Ever

Note to self: DO NOT order Combo #1 at Highland Theater. 1 medium drink and 1 medium popcorn is enough to feed four people. I am only one person. $7.75 is just too much to throw away.

In spite of that, Julie and Julia is a lovely film. It makes me wish I had the time, space, and gumption to learn how to cook. Maybe someday I will, although I don't think I'll ever go to such an extreme. Maybe in ten years if I find myself rich and bored I will consider it. I guess the struggling writer storyline isn't so far off base either.

One thing is for certain: if ever a movie was made about my life, I would want Amy Adams to star in it. She is delightful.

just a couple of

Roses hung like a dishtowel.

Condensation on every glass today. Living with no AC - just a couple of fans oscillating air around the
room(s).



I finished Ishmael first thing this morning. I'll get back to you.

Lunchtime?

Reconnected

Finally back and reconnected after a lovely weekend in Cedar Falls. The wedding went smoothly, the weather was HOT but cooperative, and Rick and I successfully missed a nearby tornado and severe storm on our way out of town. PHEW!

Currently reading Ishmael - I am almost done after only a few days. You know how people are always saying "Oh, read this book!" or "This book changed my life!" or "You HAVE to read this next!" Inevitably, the list of recommendations grows and grows until it is impossible to choose. This book though, actually HAS and will continue to change the way I look at the world. I feel like people have been walking around with this knowledge and haven't said anything! That's how important this book is. I will definitely be writing about this book once I have finished it and have had time to process it. I wish wish wish someone had put this book in my hands when I was 18. I wish I had been digesting this book for years, not just a few days. It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase take it or leave it.

Family photo

My loves and I at Chatterbox.

tonight

My girls are life-giving.

And my fiance gives my love a name.

All At Once

I am stressed, overwhelmed, excited and sad all at once. Gugh.

I'm on my way to Cedar Falls, IA this weekend to be in a friend's wedding. We met in fifth grade and bonded over Magic Attic dolls, our mutual love of history, Bugels, movies that made us cry, and books. We started writing a novel together in seventh grade and continue to work on it when we get together. I think the working title is Shades of Red and it is a historical fiction novel set in the 1940's about a boy who runs away from home, falls in love, goes to war, and everything in between. It's funny how characters we created so many years ago still seem so real to me today - we talk about them as if they are old friends.

I won't be writing much this weekend or in the next few days, but I will when I can.

It's going to be hard to say goodbye but I know good things are yet to come.

Secrets and Reasons

This picture is from last summer, but since my camera is broken, it will have to do! As of Thursday, we will no longer live at Georgia 210 together, which is a hard concept to wrap my head around. But, we have TeaSource and our weekly reunions to look forward to.

We had an early lunch at Trotter's this morning. They have such good food and it's a really relaxing atmosphere. (They also carry TeaSource tea so that is an obvious WIN!)

Em had never been to Wet Paint so we stopped in on our way home. I LOVE THAT STORE! I secretly wanted to buy a Starry Night paint-by-number, but I don't have the funds. We walked out wishing we had a reason to buy colored pencils, journals, stamps, tubes of paint, and brushes of every size.

Impossible

"The best times are when it is impossible to be cynical about anything." -Anthony Bourdain

The day I took this picture of myself was a one of the best times. I was waiting for the train to take me to the CPH airport so I could catch a plane to London to visit one of my dearest, oldest friends. I walked out of the house with nothing but a backpack and music in my ears. It is an incredible feeling to be so light, so free, and so mobile.

Oh Heavens

My bridal shower was today! So much love, so many wonderful people, and cupcakes. Oh yeah, and the whole getting married thing.

I am so happy!

occasional crop

dry, abandoned

segments

of my heart's husk

cling to small, savory

kernels of loss,

each one ripe

and unbounded

like newly turned

handfuls of earth.

Drive-Thru

I am seriously considering a breakfast sandwich from McDonald's on my way to work. Shhhhhh.

jaunts and jolts

Aside from the fact that this is the second day in a row I can only hear out of my right ear, life is good. My four hour jaunt to the tea shop today will be a painless little boost to my pocketbook and the free remedy of my favorite little plant always brightens my day.

New favorite activities: swinging at Mattocks Park (in the daylight), listening to the radio and driving - I surprise myself with how much I enjoy driving, and blowing around in the wind without a real address until September. I am off the map, on the road, and high, high in the sky.

Iron & Wine or The Postal Service?

A song for your trouble. Nothing new today.

Such Great Heights

"I am thinking it's a sign
That the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images and
When we kiss they're perfectly aligned

And I have to speculate
That God himself did make us into
Corresponding shapes like puzzles pieces
From the clay

True, it may seem like a stretch
But it's thoughts like this
That catch my troubled head
When you're away, when I am missing you to death

When you were out there on the road
For several weeks of shows
And when you scan the radio
I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
'Come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
'Come down now,' but we'll stay

I've tried my best to leave
This all on your machine
But the persistent beat
Sounded thin upon listening

That frankly will not fly
You will hear the shrillest highs
And lowest lows with the windows down
When this is guiding you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
'Come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
'Come down now,' but we'll say..."

Tony B.

New favorite show: Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations. He travels, eats local cuisine, and talks to everyone from world-famous chefs to the guys at the local bar. He's bitter, cynical, and an incredible dork. That, my friends, equals a good hour of television.

Suit and Tie

Rick and I are going to Heimie's Haberdashery this evening to finalize the tie color for the wedding. They have an old fashioned shave parlor and every male accessory you can imagine: hats, belts, shirts, ties, suits, scarves, gloves, shoes, socks, wallets, and bags. Some of the clerks have waxed mustaches and they all wear perfectly tailored suits. It's a fun store!

http://www.heimies.com/

Surrounded By

Chiricahua National Park is an amazing place to hike. Another trip to Arizona is definitely in my future. It keeps me balanced.

The rock spires have eroded from layers of ash that were deposited by a volcano eruption 27 million years ago. It is a little eerie to walk through this minefield - it feels like you are intruding on the ruins of some ancient palace.

The skyline around Tucson - what a beautiful area. I love the dry heat, mountains in every direction, and the incredible sky at night.

Sweet Land

I know I've written about this before, but I think about this film a lot. Crossing an ocean, struggling to live off the land, believing (or not believing) in God, new languages, growing old, and falling in love in Minnesota.

Elizabeth Reaser is spectacular.

maybe this is it.

On second thought, I like the poem this way as well.

I occur after hours
Disturbed by half empty glasses of wine
And food left-over.
The disarray frames my hysteria
About arguments, favorite songs,
Confessions, and professions about love.
In the early morning I hide my face
In the neutral folds of the bed
As if comforted by some illusion -
Some afterthought of what if
It all means what it means.

IT means what IT means.

We occur after hours
Disturbed by half empty glasses of wine
And food left-over.
The disarray frames our hysteria
Of arguments, favorite songs,
Confessions, and professions about love.
In the early morning we hide our faces
In the neutral folds of the bed
As if comforted by some illusion -
Some afterthought of what if
It all means what it means.

One of my professors hated the word it with a passion. It is an empty word. If you are a good writer, you should always replace it with what you really mean - it always refers to something.

I still maintain it serves a purpose, no matter how infuriating or vague.

tgif

Rainy morning on Selby - Em and I walked down to Snelling while we waited for the Antique Mall (aka antiquery) to open. Root beer in a can and the gray hazy threat of rain. We came away with new tins for our tea and are currently enjoying the Travel Channel before work.

Knitting Update

This is my first completed project - the fake tweed yarn was a good choice for my first scarf. It's also the yarn that my very experienced grandmother used to make herself a scarf with matching hat. It is 19 stitches across and took me about a week to complete.

I am making this scarf for Rick to wear with his peacoat (which he hardly ever wears). I learned how to purl for this scarf which definitely took me awhile to get used to. I can't get the knit-purl-knit montra out of my head when I am working on this one, but it is turning out very well. Rick picked out this yarn for himself and even though it looks pretty narrow (26 stitches) it is very stretchy as seen above.

Since one project isn't enough, I recently bought another set of needles (I love the bamboo ones!) and started a very thick, very chunky, very warm scarf with this gray yarn. I am using a seed stitch pattern and this one is only 18 stitches across. I started out with 22 but the needle was just too short for all that yarn, which is aptly named Thick and Quick.

You don't have to yell, we're in a tiny car

I bought a car yesterday!!! Rick and I drove out to Chaska to a tiny, roadside dealership (I don't know if I'd even call it a dealership) to inquire about a '94 Geo Prizm that was listed on CraigsList. There were about ten other cars in this lot and most of them still had junk in them - old mail, a used pair of latex gloves...I kid you not. We found out that the owner of the place buys cars from auctions and fixes them up. At any rate, it drives well enough and the previous owner clearly loved it because it has leather interior. That's a lot of money and a lot of love for a tiny car.

To Move Again

I miss the train. Before Europe, I was an inexperienced commuter. Then I began to rely on public transit - to love it even. The only time I was ever in a car was on the weekend if my host family and I went somewhere for the day. I never missed cars or rush hour or the smell of gas. But I miss the train.

The walk to the train is always laced with anticipation: What if the train is early? Am I walking fast enough? If I miss it, how long before the next train comes? All of these questions disappear when I finally reach the platform, secure that I have made it on time. I almost always consider whether or not I should walk down to the end of the platform or just stay put. It is always a relief when the train finally comes into view and screeches across the tracks - my irrational fear that it will forget to stop inevitably in bloom. As it approaches, the brakes squeal and I only have an allotted amount of time to decide which door to enter. I try not to sit down again before the train begins to move again.

I like the jolt, the moment of switching from something static to something fluid - there is comfort in the movement, the sending off.

Books and Shoes

First order of business, if you haven't read this book, READ IT. It's wonderful and amazing and thank you to my roommates for suggesting it to me. Now, I am working my way through Tar Baby by Toni Morrison.

So far so good - yesterday was delightfully relaxing. Wandered around Highland Fest, watched a friend fly a nylon owl kite up and down Pinehurst, ate the best Oreo ice cream cone from White Rock, and had a knitting party on the lawn by Dew Drop. Oh, and ordered late night pizza :)

Today, I am on a mission to find some apple red flats or kitten heels for a wedding I am in at the beginning of August. The bride's dress has traditional Macedonian colors in the waist, and red is one of them. It's going to be lovely!

Minimal and Relatively Solitary

Dear Neglected Blog,

I blame Highland Fest for my lapse in writing. Crowds of people and I do not always mix, and I am exhausted. However, people-watching is a fun activity. I am always amazed at the amount of STUFF people are willing to cart around with them: kids, dogs, wagons, strollers, balloons, bikes, food, not to mention all the free stuff that you can accumulate at these kinds of events! The word FREE will never cease to attract the masses and turn normal people into monsters.
(I exaggerate)

However, I did get my fill of cheese curds and hope to walk through the art fair tomorrow afternoon while enjoying mini donuts and a corn dog. Tonight Riverview is showing The Princess Bride and as of RIGHT NOW I am going to enjoy minimal, relatively solitary activities like sleeping, reading, movie-watching, and knitting until Tuesday.

Transport

I don't have much time or inspiration to write anything new today. It seems that looking back is the only way to move forward.

March 28, 2008

Ferry ride to Germany - pasta salad, smoking party, X-Factor finale. Standing on the deck of the ferry with Michael. Ships being built. Missing home so so much but feeling content - happy even. Seven weeks left. Thinking about the internship, TeaSource, next year with Emily, getting engaged to my Rick, hugging my family. Heading to Hitler's home. East and West. Walls. Germany. Germ. Any. Many. Almost finished with Lolita. I am enraptured, inspired.

I can see my reflection in the night window of the car - GPS leading the way.

Fun in a Bag

Cutting it close tonight - I have 21 minutes before the day comes to an end.

I learned a new stitch for my next scarf (knit-purl-knit) so I have spent the past hour trying to master it. I think I am finally getting the hang of it.

Craziest part of today: I withdrew $1,500 in cash from my checking account for the car I am most likely going to buy. I watched the teller count out the bills and slip them into an envelope - seriously, that's a lot of money. I never carry cash, much less a CAR around with me in my purse. It made me feel self-conscious all day. I look forward to exchanging it (hopefully) for my little red Geo Metro.

Also, if you've never heard of the "Fun Bag" from Walgreen's, go get one! It is an assortment of fudge, double crisp, and peanut butter cups: that's what I call a big bag of fun.

The Sky Outside

I am homesick for Denmark today. It is my host sister Amalie's birthday. They have a new dog I've never met. The sky outside my window makes me remember the first day I arrived.

January 20, 2008

What a long, lovely day. Blurred and meaningless time - saw the sun rise as we flew over Sweden - islands of perfect green and perfect blue. First bit of shock was how everything moves slower here - no anxious, rushed faces at the airport, no urgency of time, no busy crowds running blindly in and out of each other. Just - people. The bus ride from the Copenhagen airport was short, but eye-opening to my first glimpse of Danish life. Old brick buildings, lots of graffiti (but not in a tacky way), endless bikes with baskets leaned carelessly along sides of buildings and up against doors, sparse traffic, lots of walking and biking. A low, gray sky.

In case you wanted to brush up on your Danish, here are some survival phrases you might find useful:

Godnat - goodnight

Sov godt - sleep well

Hvad hedder du? What is your name?

Hvor kommer du fra? Where are you from?

Hvordan gar det? How's it going?

Hej hej - goodbye

Hvad koster - How much is...

Jeg elsker du - I love you

I'll Settle For

Hmmm. Just home from work. A lovely evening to bike - sprinklers in nearly every yard, couples out walking dogs, and my hair blowing in the wind.

I am in the mood for a long walk and a park with swings. Instead, I am going to have to settle for a cold drink, my knitting project, and music on shuffle.

Day Off

Sunday is my day off. I can sleep in, eat poorly, take naps, and think about things like this:

*The original Sabrina is far superior to any remake that has or ever will be made. The 1995 version with Harrison Ford has much to be desired.

*I love checking my mail, which I often do on Sunday morning. Most of the time all I have is bank statements or coupons to some sale, but sometimes there is a little yellow slip that says I have a package. 9 time out of 10, it is something I mailed to myself like a book or prints from Snapfish, but it's still thrilling all the same - don't ask me why.

*The "h" key on my keyboard is sticking. Time to go get ready for a day with my lovely ladies.

Brushing with Beer

I already missed a day - 24 hours just isn't enough time.

Today was my Grandma Joy's 79th birthday. We sat in her backyard in Crystal with the family and ate a lovely dinner on a borrowed picnic table. The best story that Grandma told tonight was about her first experience drinking an alcoholic beverage. She didn't start drinking until she was in her mid-thirties when she was on a trip to Russia. The water there was undrinkable so they had to brush their teeth with BEER! Think about that for a second. Minty fresh toothpaste and rinsing with beer. It's a wonder she kept it up. I also brought my knitting project along to show her and discovered that we had picked the exact same yarn and were both knitting a scarf...

Looking forward to a day off tomorrow with my girls and blueberry iced tea at midnight.

Prior Avenue

This morning I decided to go for a different route on my walk/jog (mostly walking). Usually I go down Fairview or take Randolph down to the river, but today I wanted to see what Prior was like. I passed a man sitting in the sidewalk with his young son drawing pictures with various colors of sidewalk chalk; I marveled at the beautiful bricks of Navtivity of Our Lord Catholic Church on the corner of Standford; I smiled when I saw a group of boys drinking blue soda outside the Supermarket on St. Claire; I was impressed by the perfectly kept flowerbeds on various cross streets; and I listened to Oh, Inverted World most of the way - it sets a nice pace.

Now, my feet are up and I am working on a good-bye gift for a friend who is moving to Toronto next week.

My Milky Way

When I was six years old, the burning question on my brain was, Are we trapped here? I posed this question to my mom one day, and she confirmed my worst fears. Apparently my six year old mind was seeking out something beyond planet Earth. For some reason, it was quite a shock for me to discover that humans could only leave earth on a spaceship. It didn’t take long for me to transform my room into a miniature galaxy. All I had to do was ask for the kit for Christmas. Can you imagine my excitement? The Milky Way came in a box, with instructions! Soon I had cleared all my “old” toys out of the way and strung the planets in order from wall to wall. I even put those plastic glow-in-the-dark stars up on my ceiling. At night, I would lay there and count them. It wasn’t impossible to count all the stars in my sky (there were 37 until they started falling off). My 10x12 foot galaxy was a sanctuary. I was a little bummed about the whole gravity issue, but I got over it. I was in space.

The feeling of being trapped somewhere still creates that horrible fluttering sensation somewhere inside my stomach. It feels like a thousand startled birds all deciding to lift off into the sky at the same time.

To this day, I am jealous of anything that has wings.

Which way is North?

My new goal is to write every day. Most of it will probably be a catalogue of ordinary nothingness, but I hope that I will discover something new in it too. There's always something.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my next step. I feel the underlying pressure of "finding a job" since my undergraduate debt is now a thirty year weight on my shoulders. I am not yet convinced that a paycheck and benefits is the landmark of a happy person. A secure one, maybe, but I am curious about the risks. My life has been a series of conventional turns, and I am finally at the point where I feel like I have choices. Possibilities.

Bottom line: I need time. I need time to think about what I want - a paycheck, a job, grad school, a lottery ticket...? Off I go - a step at a time - into uncharted tomorrows.

I never was very good at reading maps.

Amorphous

Stripped of my skin
I am a reflected glint -
A pearl out of shell

Leaping, my hands
Toss lines out and out
Hooked and baitless

Shapeless, I curve at your feet
A no longer body or heart
Just form, and foam

Graduation!

old poem, new meaning

*I am craving the sights, sounds, and smells of Northern Minnesota.

Sanctuary
I still dream of
Water
And the sunburn on my face
The inching, climbing, moving
Through a liquid, living space
I still dream of
Fire
Of its warmth and golden rays
Of our beaten, sunswept bodies
Put to sleep beneath its gaze
I still dream of
Air
Of breathing in and breathing out
Of the fog above the early dew
And the morning whispershout
I still dream of
Nature
Of Her elements, Her skin
Teaching me, at last the art
Of living outside in

permission to speak freely

Just saw the new Star Trek movie. It was SO GOOD!

I'd like to thank my Dad for having Star Trek on all the time in our house growing up.

Props to the original Spock and Captain Kirk.